So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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