need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize