This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
