I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
