can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every concussion has its silver lining
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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