I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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