You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
