I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
