And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
