i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
