yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your cock deserves a montage
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
