You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
