This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
