He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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