I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize