We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
