I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
