Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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