Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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