He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
