He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize