who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
50% drunk capacity currently
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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