I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
