is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
