There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
