i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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