sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
