i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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