drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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