because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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