You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
