I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
