what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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