70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
