i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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