I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need water and some morals
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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