I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
