Swine flu is the new snow day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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