at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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