so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
