whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
