i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
