I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
