So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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