We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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