Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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