so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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