I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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