The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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