...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
