is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
