The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is my gift to your gina
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
