we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I want is dick and wine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
