is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
