we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
