barbara walters just said penis...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
