Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My penis needs a shock collar
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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