yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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