My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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