just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
