if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
