those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't turn off my feet"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
