Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
