I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
