I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
