Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
