Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
