Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
