Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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