Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
