She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
