Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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