Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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