I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
