I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
