I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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