luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
