btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
