Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
