HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
