I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
