There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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