What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
