for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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