did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
