I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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